Deru enjin yang menderum lima jam tanpa henti, memudik di tengah-tengah hamparan luas dada tasik yang kehijauan, saujana mata, dan menggerunkan, di bawah bahang terik matahari yang seolah-olah sedang ingin melempias kemarahan terpendam, bersama kelompok-kelompok pertemanan yang berlainan akal, pengalaman, serta tatacara menangani kehidupan; terselit aku yang mahu menduga nikmat rasa dan mengintai kebenaran.

Malam di persimpangan Cacing dan Terenggan, mencerap jutaan bintang yang bertebar di langit terang -- antara pertempuran mahu terus kekal bejat dalam huru-hara atau waras dalam celaru -- ada satu bisik, cermat menuntun dengung dalam memberitahu --

"Setiap kita telah tertulis atur, kadar, dan edar-nya. Siapa kita untuk membida secupak hikmah ketentuan-Nya?"

Rebah, bangkit, aku tidak mahu meminjam bicara bijaksana yang membuai dari sang penglipur lara. Aku tak mahu terpedaya dengan magis pesona kata-kata sang hamba.

Aku tak mahu Jibrail membentang sayapnya untuk aku menyingkap tabir rahsia ke syurga.

Cinta, seperti mana juga kebodohan, tak perlu di war-war. Ia, semulajadi bingit dan membingit-kan.

Salah-kah untuk aku jatuh, dan diam untuk alam?

Kenyir, April 11, 2016


You had a fine day, you went out, you met friends, you spent the day with your loved one, you ate, you watched movie, you talked, you laughed, you tired, you went home, you cleaned up yourself, and you smiled on your bed.

Then you slept. Then you woke up.

It was a serene and peaceful morning. You were alone. No one at home. You listened to an annoying sound from birds you once adored.

You sat on your butt. You started to think.

You tried to remember what yesterday was all about. You asked yourself. You questioned yourself.

You figured out many things. You became aware about many things.

You saw the truth.

You shook off your head. You denied. You refused. You pretended.

You cursed.

You took a bathe. You sang a song by your favorite singer. You stopped when you found out that the song related with you.

You felt cold. And the sad swallowed you.

You dressed up yourself. You took the car key. You drove. You had no destination. You had no intention. You followed your intuition.

You wandered around. You wondered why.

You felt like crying. You fought. You bit your lower lip. You contained your anger inside your fist.

Your heart bled.

You closed your eyes. You took a deep breathe. You gave your conscious a moment to decide.

You waited for the light. You waited for the wind. You waited for the answer.

You heard voices.

Then you realized, you had been living a lie since you had lost your mind.

You never got rid of your past. You never got rid of the affection.

Then, again, you chose to ignore.

You chose to put the blame on someone. 

You chose to hate someone.

You chose to run from someone.

But then, again and again, no matter how far you go, no matter how hard you try to escape, your mind, your body, your heart, and your soul, always bring you down here.

Because, they believed in something. They trusted in something. They had faith in something.

They had found a reason. They had locked the key.

They had discovered a perfect way to freedom.

But you won't be convinced.

You rather be allowing your ego to hold you hostage than pursuing the words of your honest self.

You waited. You wished. You perished.

Jalan Jalang

Satu hentian di antara gelora yang menggila di ulas-ulas jiwa.

Dan satu ingat yang selalu selinap, yang menggugah pasak waras dan derita.