As time passes, as new memory grows, as the whole picture changes, as childhood imaginations collapse, you have come to acknowledge something strange -- something that had been shaking off your balance and gravity from the day you were given abilities to sense.
I call it, an Emptiness.
"Why am I not truly a happy person?"
There are a lot of geniuses tried to define and decode the meaning of happiness. There are also many pseudo-intellects out there make fortune by telling people what happiness is all about. The sad truth is, all of them provide no absolute answer, or they are just hitting around the bush, and some of them even living in miserable life.
Some of us do not care about what is what -- I am not that interested in such 'philosophical' discussion as you, they say. I just live and live and I am good, add them.
I never blamed them. Obviously, they survived. For most of them, wealth is the key. Money is the root of all. In a way, I found a reason why I am not on top of the list of their friends.
For me, I always intrigued by a real and thoughful discussion. If someone raise a question about what happiness is, surely I will not answering like Mr-Knows-All. I will sit and listen to his or her version first and present mine later. How in the hell I know if I never had tasted it?
Perhaps, happiness is just a statement, built in mind games. It is not a product. You know it by heart, but it is nowhere to reach.
In my thousands of days of existence, I do not see Happiness is coming. What I do see, there is, more and more headache growing and brewing one after another and there is no way of escaping. Exactly like Buddha once said, life is ongoing suffering and constant struggling.
Wait, again, what is happiness? How does it feel or look like? Why I always miss it?
Or maybe I have given a wrong interpretation on Happiness. I have put a wrong definition and most probably, I have carelessly and mistakenly associated it with Freedom.
But, how possible can we achieve Happiness when we are not in Freedom?
How the state of Happiness be like when there is no Freedom?
And if there is no Happiness, why are we not living in Freedom?
And yeah. Well, the easiest way to answer is, say la vie -- that was what the Frenchmen said in Kapas last time in our three and half hours of talking about culture, food, war, world, religion, conspiracy, and life.
So, "Say la vie.''